I’ve been told
that people in the army
do more by 7:00 am
than I do
in an entire day
but if I wake
at 6:59 am
and turn to you
to trace the outline of your lips
I will have done enough
and killed no one
in the process.
about three years ago, on July 14 2011, I was raped. By a friend. By my first. And, up until last year I have tried to understand what happened. Since last year I’ve let that go and come to the realisation that questioning why Chris did what he did would get me nowhere.
In the most recent months - two to be exact, I have been trying to figure out when I will forget. I spent the first few months after it happened trying to piece it all together because my brain basically shutdown and I stopped functioning, barely breathing as he raped me. I wanted to remember what happened, to own it and to control it…and now I want to forget.
Flashbacks in movies cause me to have flashbacks, as I found out while watching Saving Mr Banks tonight.
I don’t know when I will forget. But, the past two weeks I’ve been putting a lot of hope in forgetting what happened that I have been so broken and sad. Jesus has brought me to such a sweet place, into the depths of His heart. He said His yolk is easy and His burden is light. But it is a burden nonetheless. But its been soooo sweet and rewarding to carry. The enemy though has been whispering lies to me all the while and I began to feel heavy, not realising I was believing the lies.
And now I feel light. I didnt know I was going to say this in the post. I actually had no clue what I was even going to write. But such is it with Jesus. I say yes and never know what He’s going to give me but its always so good.
So I don’t know when I am going to forget although I’m believing Jesus can and will heal that part of my mind. But for now, I’m keeping my eyes stayed on Him looking to Him who knows the beginning to the end.
C.S. Lewis (via jspark3000)
This is relevant to my life right now, thank you, C. S. Lewis.
Joel 2:12-13 ESV
“Yet even now,” declares the Lord , “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; and rend your hearts and not your garments.” Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love; and he relents over disaster.